Leaving on a jet plane; or, the search continues

Well, okay, I'm not actually leaving until tomorrow. But still. The time draws nigh.

I realize I haven't talked much about my school search on here. I'm not sure why that is. It probably has to do with the fact that until last Friday, we still didn't have finalized financial offers from all three schools that I applied to. I was accepted to the first school the first week of February. That's almost two months of partial knowing. And yes, it's been somewhat stressful.

Here's the short version:

I applied to three Methodist seminaries in three different states: SMU (Texas), Emory (Georgia), and Duke (North Carolina). All three are good schools, and I know people who have attended all three. We'd hoped that financial offers would help us determine a direction, but all three offered me scholarships. (Darn. I know, first world problems, right?)

Initially, Travis and I felt God leading us to go out of state. We've never lived anywhere else, and it felt like a great opportunity to go live somewhere new for three years, knowing we'd come back to Texas afterwards and be near our relatives at the time when we'd be wanting to start a family.

Then the Texas school ended up offering me the best financial package I could hope to get from any of the three. Of course.

We started considering all the good things about Dallas that we hadn't thought of before. We know the area. We have good friends that live there, and more that may be moving there soon. We'd be an hour and a half from our parents. I'd be getting paid to go to school. Travis would probably have the best work opportunities there (out of all three cities). My relatives have connections with the school.

But. We still didn't feel like that was where we needed to be.

For the next month or so, I did a lot of wishy-washing. I didn't want to let anybody else down. I didn't want to let myself down. Frankly, I just wanted someone to look into the future and tell me explicitly what to do, which is how I usually feel when making tough decisions. I just didn't feel like that was where I should go to school, but I also felt that it would be stupid to turn down the monetary support.

The deadline for me to tell SMU yes or no was yesterday. Last Friday, though I already knew I was going to tell them no, I had a major freak-out moment in the shower, thinking things like "Will our insurance even WORK in another state??" and "We'll never ever be with family on any holiday. Ever!!!" 

I finally realized why I hadn't been able to let Dallas go. It wasn't truly the school, or the city. It was my desire for security: financial security, close-to-home security. Not security in God. When I talked to Travis about it, he remarked, "I haven't ever heard a great story where God called someone into a comfortable place."

It's true. And that about sums it up for us. If we went there, we knew we'd be going just for the money, and that's not a great start to a life of ministry. I'm sure some will think I'm foolish to give it up, but it's helped me to remember 1 Corinthians 1:25.

"For God's foolishness is wisher than human wisdom, 
and God's weakness is stronger than human strength."

So, here's to trusting God with the future. I'll be visiting the other two schools within the next few weeks. Tomorrow, I'm headed to Atlanta!